You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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