Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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