I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize