it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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