I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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