Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
