Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
