Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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