so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
