Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
