thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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