Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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