I am puke
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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