I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
