Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
