I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
