You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
