From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my poor anus
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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