all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
