so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
