I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
