the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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