last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
