are you still at the devil's house?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
