I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just gift wrapped bread.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
