I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
