The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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