You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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