I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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