we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
