Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
