I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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