I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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