I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
