His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
