im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
where does the pee come out of this thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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