it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
