Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
