I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
