Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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