new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
