Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
