u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
