I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My vagina is officially offended.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
