Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
