You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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