When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
