All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
