Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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