remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
smell my finger.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
