Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
