I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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