i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
