coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
