I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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