You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
