i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
