I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
