Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize