I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I forgot how hot balto sounded
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
