im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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