If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
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