He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
