your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
