Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you had me at cake vodka
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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