You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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