Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
