Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
