You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
