in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
