My nipple is on Facebook.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
