she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
