he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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