Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
