Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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